I will choose my husband over my children 90% of the time because it’s about the message and lesson it teaches them. I don’t know when or why, but society today dictates that we as parents are supposed to sacrifice everything, including our happiness for our children’s happiness. That is one of the most ridiculous notions I have ever heard.
While I love my children and will give my life for them if necessary, there is definitely a process to determine the priority of what I will sacrifice for them. Typically, as parents, we want more for our children than what we had because we want them to be successful and happy, right? The problem with that way of thinking implies we weren’t happy with our lives. That, in turn, causes us to make the wrong choices as parents when it comes to giving our children what they want or what we think they deserve. Most of the time, parents over indulge their children out of guilt. They don’t want to feel guilty for not giving their children what they want.
I’ve been saying for several years now that we as a country are raising a generation of entitled children which are turning into whiney, lazy adults. I for one, am refusing to raise an entitled child. I’ve had to work for everything I have in life from the time I graduated high school. I am eternally grateful to my parents for not catering to my every whim and allowing me to develop a solid work ethic that has made me the success I am today. I probably wouldn’t be married to the love of my life or own a business if my parents had catered to me like so many parents do today.
On more than one occassion, one of my children has asked me if they could attend an event during a time my husband and I have made plans. I explain to them simply enough that it’s not possible due to our plans. I don’t explain what the plans are or if they could be rearranged because that would imply that their happiness is more important than mine or his. It is not my responsibility for my child’s happiness 100% of the time and that is where the problem lies.
Somehow at some time, society has decided that we as parents are to sacrifice everything, including our happiness, for our children’s. This is a horrible message and a detrimental mistake for all parents. It sends way too many negative messages to our children and creates a legacy not worthy.
1. Your spouse doesn’t come first. They are a second thought. If you have multiple children, then they are a third, fourth or fifth thought. That is what they have to look forward to as a spouse.
2. Children are the most important beings on the planet….your life is over.
3. Parenting is a role that is to sacrifice for children to have their wants(notice I did not say needs)met. Your happiness is not important once you become a parent.
4. You will never be anyone’s number one again….ever.
How depressing! I predict that we will see a tremendous rise in divorce and a huge decline in reproduction within the next several decades. If we are raising entitled children, they will mature into selfish adults resulting in fewer marriages, fewer children, and higher divorce rates. This is not the example I want for my children!
Think about all the married people you know or have known that have had a marriage last for more than 50 years. They didn’t let their children run their lives. They ran their children’s lives. They put their spouse and marriage before all else. They set an example of what happiness was supposed to be like. Why have we stopped setting that example? When did we start allowing society to dictate how we raised our children?
I wholeheartedly believe this is why we have steadily seen an increase in divorce over the years even to date. I know I was guilty of putting my children’s happiness before mine or my ex-husband’s for several years as did he. Would we have divorced had we been more cognizant of our choices with our happiness? I don’t know. I do know, however, that this definitely did attribute to the decline of our marriage.
Jason knows he is my first priority and my children know that as well. They see the love and happiness in our marriage which is for what I hope for all of my children. I want all of my children to seek the one God has planned for them and create a family that brings them happiness, not causes them to lose it. I don’t want more for my children than what I had. I want them to be just as happy as I am today!
And for the record, contrary to what many may want to believe, my children are very happy, successful, well-adjusted beings!